they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
