I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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