I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
