I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
