he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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