Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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