I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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