My sheets look like a crime scene.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
