my vag is so smooth its legendary
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
