why didn't you poke me back
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
