lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
