summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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