Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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