just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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