I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
vagina is talking i cant
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
