Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Houston, we have a squirter
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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