Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Two words: nipple clamps
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