I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
