I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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