HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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