A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
