I have demons in me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
