my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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