It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
