Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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