Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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