literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The Olympian is in my bed
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