Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
