clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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