I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
