hotel room ftw
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
