my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
