the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
