Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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