She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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