Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
