Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
