there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
