I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
