This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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