I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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