My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
