let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
