I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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