If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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