Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
