chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
