Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
