Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
