dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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