i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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