Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
