please come you make the beer taste better
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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